doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
