U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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