I molested 6 butterflies tonight
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
