I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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