if i can run in heels then i can drive
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
