i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Randomize
