Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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