I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
