Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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