Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
