Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Randomize
