yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
