Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
