Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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