it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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