if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I need to sanitize my soul.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
