just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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