Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
