I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
