Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
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not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
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I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
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