My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
