But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
