id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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