At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
