Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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