I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
