About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
