Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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