Soap is not a condiment
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
