my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
