Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
