my sisters under your porch take her home
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
