Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Randomize
