Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
