Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
