Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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