Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
