if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
