what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
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