but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
