He asked to "fluff my boner.."
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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