I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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