Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
How external is "for external use only"?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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