'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
