Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
