Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Randomize
