did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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