Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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