you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Sorry my hands just texted you
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
