Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
