At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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