I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Rumble strips road head = magical
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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