You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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