This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
