I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
