Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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