so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize