I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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