I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
