one word: firstdatebathroomanal
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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