I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Oh god it's open bar.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
