Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
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