I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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