Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
