Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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