so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
