You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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