I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
