I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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